WANT TO WIN A MODELING CONTEST? THREE WORDS: GIRLFRIEND, SUNSET, TEQUILA
3 PM: Amazing Friend texts about all body type modeling contest. Feel excited because your body doesn't fit into anything so you make your own clothes sometimes that are clearly see through in the sun (see below).
3:01 PM: Text other incredible friend, "Do you want to drink tequila and take some pictures tonight?"
3:02 PM : Incredible friend replies "Yes."
3:08 PM: Begin makeup. Try not to cry about pimple that will surely be there for a month. (There's still a mark. This was in APRIL. THANKS.)
5 PM: Incredible friend picks you up and you snuggle with Incredible Puppy while you both drive out to the woods and discuss who will be coming to hold some light reflectors she has (enter her sweet male friend who, upon the first time meeting you, will see you running around the woods in your underwear yelling manically and offering tequila out of the bottle).
5 :30 PM: Commence tequila and walking around in the woods looking for a bright patch of sun. Get mosquito bites. Drown itch in tequila.
5:40- 8 PM: Walk around to various different locations in sun and stick your butt out. Be fierce. Be confident. Be...tequila.
8 PM: Watch as friend plays with lighting in the pictures and photoshops the hole you didn't realize you had in your cheap Wal Mart thong, you no excuse having homeless model. Try not to eat her friends entire bag of chips. Fail.
11 PM: Head home with photos completed and essay ideas in your head. Stay up most of the night trying to fit an essay into 1000 characters which you thought could be 1000 words and you had a really great bit about how you walk around in a thong in public at the beach now. Pout for a while. Then cut it.
10 AM: Submit essay with picture you carefully select after harassing everyone you know with taste (and a couple without so you know to vote against them).
April- May: Spend the next month harassing every single person you can find to vote for you. Even guys who hit on you at the gym. They're actually quite a captive audience, sweating over their cell phones in between sets. Just a little tidbit from me to you.
May- June: Spend the month after that biting your nails as you think you made it to the semi finals. Stalk everyone involved on social media obsessively.
Get an email at 10 PM on Announcement Day. Scream with such a shrill passion you scare an entire apartment full of your boyfriends bros. Jump up and down forever.