THE SHIT SHAKE RECIPE

This term was coined by my brother, Shaan, who likes to say disgusting things that are almost always funny and/or confusing. They say the majority of diseases start in the colon, but even if that’s wrong, who doesn’t enjoy a huge healthy poop every morning? I know I do. Nothing makes me feel more accomplished than having one or more delightful droppings in the morning/ afternoon/ night/ "whenever wherever, (we’re meant to poop together)." If you’re like me, you’ve had an Ayurvedic doctor take your pulse and make a sad face while he rubbed his stomach. This was supposed to indicate that I have poor digestion. We also didn't speak the same language.

I’ve had a lot of defecation disasters over the years, and I find what works for me is avoiding dairy and spending what little money I make on supplements that help my digestion. It also helps to find someone who obsessively rubs your stomach. Thanks boyfriend! No matter who you are, if your train has been in the constipation station before, chances are you'd love to get yourself on a "regular" schedule. Coffee time, next stoppppp, bathroom!!! Supplements can really help with that, and they include: powdered magnesium, indian herbs, fiber and probiotics. Probiotics have been really helpful for me, although my favorites are frequently the middle of the road, not the crazy expensive designed-specifically-for-your-vagina ones (ask me for my favorites). Also kimchi = delicious, and a great deterrent for stomach rubs from aforementioned boyfriend when the tum is too full. A great deterrent for anyone, really.

I take a shit shake every night before bed and I take two probiotics first thing in the morning and again in the afternoon when my stomach isn’t full (AKA 8 PM on my schedule most of the time). Works like a charm, I feel like my soul loses 5 lbs every morning.

12 oz water, mix in:

1 TBSP triphala powder

1 TBSP Metamucil (Because fiber is important, but also the flavor helps mask everything else. Sorry guys, I’ve found that their sugar free version doesn’t work as well, and neither do a lot of other psyllium husk powders. I wish they were paying me to say this, and maybe they will some day, but other than the in bulk version I found from the health food store back home in Iowa, the Sugar Included Meta is frustratingly the best).

2 tsp magnesium powder

Mix it well and drink it fast because it will turn into a literal sludge on the real. And thus the name, “Shit Shake.” A shake that'll make you poop, that looks like poop.

You’re welcome.