APPROPRIATE EYEBROWS

Ok all you lovely makeup artists, Instagram Tutorialists and brow lovers of the world. This one’s for you:

I know that boy brow is all the rage now. It looks great! But you can’t make “on fleek” out of a streak. Stop. Drawing. Eyebrows. An. Inch. Above. My. Actual. Brow.

I’ve had several people do this to me. I know that the square shape by my eye socket is what you learned to do on Instagram where you got your “cosmetology license," but that actually only works on people with naturally large eyebrows. Or you know, this lady:

Now I’ve always had thinner brows. I wish they were thicker. Maybe I’ll get them tattooed on one day but until then, I implore you, Ms. Makeup Artist who I'm paying $150, please don’t spend 30 minutes drawing a square to my tear duct and then look concerned every time I smile at you there after.

Listen, I don’t wear a pushup bra and pretend to have bigger breasts (yes I definitely do that), so don’t try to make it seem like I have more facial hair than I actually do, ok?! I think the general rule of taste means that you take what you’ve got, you enhance it a little, and then you slowly bite your nails off in envy while you look at pictures of celebrities on the internet (why we get gels ladies, always invest in gels). Or you get surgery. “I really just did this for me, you know?” #selfesteem

Upon doing a google search, I was able to copy and paste this image from the internet. This is where the problem has started, I can see. Is exotic a joke? Like, wanna look like a Geisha? Like a VERY SURPRISED GEISHA?!

This is when I did my makeup before a photoshoot. I’ve got to say, it's not perfect, but it's no "Sam Watterson took a break from the NYPD to do a photoshoot." For me, I have to taper the front so it doesn’t look like an insane square. Enhance your natural shape ladies, use this motto for your eyebrows, use it for everything else. See how the concealer has soaked into my acne scars on my chin at this point after waiting for the other model who was an hour late? ENHANCE WHAT MAKES YOU, YOU.

So word to the wise, when in doubt, stay closer to your natural color, and shape. Because you don't want to end up in eyebrow therapy doing therapeutic stick figures like me: