Dressed Up With Nowhere To Go: Lingerie Day and Dressing Up As Self Care
Why can't I take myself on a date?
Whenever I'm feeling down, lonely, or bored alone at home, I start to entertain the idea of going out by myself. First, I look and see what musicians are playing locally that evening. I love to fantasize about sitting in a jazz club with my eyes closed feeling the music while someone pours me champagne. Oh? That'll cost me at least $200? Thanks NYC. Ok what next....
Hm, I could go see a movie! What's playing? What's that theatre with bedbugs again? Oh wait, I really don't like walking in that neighborhood alone, especially after dark.
I could go to dinner? Get all dressed up and put on my new lipstick and... urg. Well I could, but if I"m honest with myself I would MUCH rather have popcorn and pie in my pajamas in front of a movie than to go out and read over a 3 course meal. Maybe it's because I'm a millennial, but when I'm eating alone, I always have to have some form of entertainment or a project I'm working on while I munch. Perhaps that's unhealthy, but unless I'm rushing through a meal in the city in between appointments, I would really much rather not be sitting at a table alone if I can avoid it. It feels so...vulnerable (remember the Sex and The City episode about this? And this was BEFORE SMART PHONES).
Whether I like to admit it or not, even in 2019, I would much rather have a friend or date go with me on all of the above activities. It just feels much safer, especially in New York, (and unfortunately, women STILL have to consider this with every activity that we could possibly do, every single day of our lives), not to mention a lot more fun. But what happens when I'm feeling low about myself and I want a sexy pick me up and no one is available?
Especially because some days I work from home and only leave to go to the gym, those nights, sometimes the last thing I want to do is sit in sweat pants in front of another device and wait out the clock until it's time to go to bed. But as I mentioned, I rarely feel comfortable or in the mood to take myself out on dates alone, even if I take precautions with safety/spending etc. So what do I do?
I play dress up!
Do you remember times (if you're old enough, or if you're a YOUNGIN, I don't know, you must've been grounded or without Wifi at SOME "horrible" point in your life, right?!) when the only entertainment you had access to you were things in your bedroom? No one to text, no computer to work on, only books, toys, crafts, and your imagination?
While to part of me, that sounds like hell right now (and this certainly isn't a blog post about getting unplugged, said the Instagram addict); I miss the resourcefulness that being stuck alone in my room created. I miss the tension of fantasizing and daydreaming...and I miss playing dress up for my own pleasure!
I think it's a beautiful exercise to do a fun makeup look I've been wanting to experiment with while listening to my favorite music, and dancing around in my new lingerie for "practice." As an adult (particularly one who is responsible for my own scheduling/employment), I feel as though every hour of every day has to be accounted for. If I'm gonna to do a full face of makeup and take photos, I'd better create content for Instagram, do an Instagram live, plan and shoot the next video I'm producing, see if I can't schedule anything else that requires a made up face (so as not to "waste it," but in defense, my foundation is very expensive these days), and anything else I could possibly fit in to be as productive and efficient as possible. But, I remember how magical it was, pre-working, pre-Instagram, pre-constantly attempting to make the most of every day; to play and "work on," my skills of acting like a wanton sex goddess, simply for my own entertainment.
When I do this, I often take pictures (usually just for me or my boyfriend) and I use this as a time to feel gorgeous, for absolutely no reason other than to feel beautiful and remember what it was like to dream about the kind of life I want, rather than worrying about it.
I usually start with a glass of wine or something bubbly and at the risk of sounding like a complete dweeb, a journal. It's fun to write down a few things I've been fantasizing about, a letter to myself in the future, or even a to-do list for the next day to get it out of the way so I can just relax and be present in the moment (or some sort of tipsy version of that, tehe).
Pictured: I made my own set, with this Yandy Plus Size Seductive Mesh and Lace Garter Belt in a Black 1X with the First Kiss Demi Bra in a 36C, and to top it all off, these Plus Size Fishnet Stockings.
Then it's time for music. What gets me in a sexy mood? Old blues (Muddy Waters), old salsa music (I love this Guajira by the Alegre All-Stars), and definitely bellydance (if I'm in the mood to jiggle, hehe). Beats Antique is PRIMO for shimmy sexy-time.
Those are just ideas to get you started. Put on whatever it is that makes you feel as though you LITERALLY CANNOT SIT DOWN while it's playing. And go nuts. Dance your heart out. Twerk the night away. Jiggle your way to bed. Then make a little sexy recording just for yourself, or a "buddy." You'll never know when it'll come in handy. Wink, wink.
And if you're in the mood for a costume during dress-up time? Here you go. You're welcome.
I love to do this every once in a while when I'm feeling low. It never ceases to heighten my mood. Remember it's always good to daydream, healthy to want to feel wanted and sexy, and always positive to invest in yourself, even if that investment looks like doing nothing.