This just in, you're an asshole if you go outside if you don't need to! This is not the time for your new gym routine, a dance class, concert, movie tickets, or to go to the bars and brunch with your friends. This is a time (if you have the privilege to stay home) for self reflection, rest, and most importantly, the "flattening of the curve" of the outbreak, or social distancing.
Many people HAVE to go out, to work, to take care of people, their children, their jobs... you, do NOT need to go to Brunch and continue the spread of the virus. Stay inside. Wash your hands.
As you know, the ICU's only have so many beds, and there's a finite number of ventilators in this country. In Italy, they're having to make "World War 2 type of triage decisions", and let me tell you, if you think the rush on toilet paper is crazy now, just wait a few more weeks and see what happens when it's for ventilators instead of paper products.
Shoutout to my close buds Krissy and Zach for helping with a few of the numbers below from 69 and beyond (and for many inappropriate suggestions that I didn't include, many of which involving destroying something you love and putting it back together. Like your arm).
Krissy and.her husband Josh, next to Zachary and his wig, Bertha, keeping me company on Facetime while we brainstorm to finish this blog post.
Here are some ideas of how to have fun while not being a total piece of human garbage (in no particular order):
1. Rewatch Lord of the Rings.
2. Read Mans Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankel.
3. Learn how to make bread from scratch (order the few needed ingredients online if you don't have them).
4. Bake cookies.
5. Watch Outbreak (for inspiration, not recommended for those already drowning in anxiety like I am).
6. Familiarize yourself with the complete recording of the Beethoven piano sonatas by Alfred Brendel.
7. Write that blog you've been meaning to write for some time.
8. Buy gift certificates/ merch from local small businesses who are struggling no patrons right now.
9. Create your own burlesque persona and routine.
10. Finally start journalling. Keep journaling if you're on top of your shit.
11. Read the Artists Way By Julie Cameron.
12. Order Patchwork and learn how to play it.
13. Write that song you've been meaning to finish.
14. Make Tik Toks and encourage others to stay in and watch them go viral (get it, the good kind, be a good influence).
15. Take self portraits by your window.
16. Learn how to french braid.
17. Watch The Knick (free 7 day trials needed to watch this are available if you have Hulu or Amazon).
18. Learn about wine. Drink wine.
19. Learn Tik Tok dances and get famous all from the comfort of your own home.
20. Binge watch Mindhunter.
21. Clean your house. Thoroughly. Bleach all surfaces your hands touch regularly, like the faucet, door handles and light switches.
22. Watch the Handmaiden.
23. Take a bath and give yourself a foot rub.
24. Do a facial peel (go off retinoids for a week first if you're on them like me).
25. Do a puzzle.
26. If you live somewhere where there are remote areas where you can walk without being 6 feet from someone, go for a walk.
27. If you can't leave the house, try a Youtube yoga workout to chill tf out.
28. Go on your local public library website and download e-books right to your phone.
29. Write a letter to yourself in the future.
30. Research a complicated broth or sauce, like Pho or Curry and order all of the ingredients online to learn how to make it.
31. Make pizza dough and then a homemade pizza in cool shapes. Document them for social media.
32. Facetime your family and friends.
33. Pitch your boss on the power of working from home if they're being terrible and working from home is totally feasible for you.
34. Do a home manicure or pedicure
35. Make a DIY hair mask.
36. Watch both of Ali Wong's incredible comedy specials (she's pregnant in both of them, lol, really adds to the twerking).
37. Have an instrument in the house? Cover a song on it.
38. Learn to knit.
39. Clean your PHONE and COMPUTER!
40. Make hot chocolate.
41. Clean out your junk drawer and organize it.
42. Read your old diary.
43. Take sexy self portraits for your significant other if that's your thing, or for the future if you're currently single.
44. If you're quarantined with your SO... you know what to do :)
45. Learn to knit.
46. Hem some pants.
47. Sew missing buttons on.
48. Do an awesome DIY project.
49. Learn different eyeliner looks.
50. Start learning a new language on Duolingo.
52. Learn how to make a classic cocktail.
53. Words with friends (especially on Facetime).
54. Have a FaceTime cocktail sesh with friends.
55. Jackbox games are so fun for groups and can be done remotely.
56. Write snail mail letters to people you like, or to those in prison and in nursing homes.
57. Watch Back To The Future and also the Shawshank Redemption.
58. Take the time to write the good and bad yelp reviews you've been meaning to (lol).
59. Do a remote book club.
60. Read A Little Lie by Hanya Yanagihara.
61. Sprout vegetable trimmings.
62. Start an indoor herb garden.
63. Learn how to do an impression on Youtube.
64. Write a list of things you'd like to do that you haven't done for a long time when you're out of quarantine.
65. Masturbate again.
66. Learn how to do a fishtail braid.
67. Learn the Fibonacci sequence to 75 digits. Same with pi.
68. Make a pie.
69. 69. If thats available to you.
70. Make your own board game. Make it cute for your kiddos or SO.
71. Make your own fruit roll ups.
72. Learn tarot cards. Order them online.
73. Learn how to raise each eyebrow individually.
74. If you live with someone, make them a scavenger hunt. Make a fort.
75. Write things you would find funny in your calendar months in advance (sometime far enough in the future that you'll forget).
76. Have a home fashion show. Style some outfits from the back of your closet that you haven't seen for a while. Take photos for inspiration later. Bonus points for creating makeup looks for each.
77. Learn basic first aid and create a kit.
78. Make your own lip scrub.
79. Make a dick pick collection from Tinder. Go fishing for more. Compete with your friends.
80. Make a sourdough starter.
81. Make a vision board (don't use the dick pics).
82. Rewatch The Office. Again.
83. Do Office Trivia.
84. Pickle things.
85. If you live with someone, do their makeup. Yes, anyone. Record it and post it on the internet.
86. Watch Naked Attraction. Make it a drinking game.
87. Come up with the funniest wifi router name you can.
88. Watch The Nanny in its entirety.
89. Re-listen to all of the Led Zeppelin albums.
90. Listen to my salsa playlist. Yes, there is also bachata and cha cha cha on there.
91. Learn the basic salsa steps. This video is NY style (on 2), or you can learn on 1 if you live elsewhere.
92. Follow me and comment hilarious things on all my social media posts.
94. Do a hand mask, especially after all the hand washing.
95. Pluck stray body hairs.
96. Write a screenplay.
97. Learn a magic trick.
98. Read Vagina by Naomi Woolf.
99. Get into butter sculptures.
100. Coordinate a perfect nights sleep (no coffee past 11 AM, magnesium, bath, tea, stretching, book, and screens off an hour before your preferred bedtime).
I hope this is helpful! Don't forget to WASH YOUR HANDS and maintain 6 feet of distance between ANYONE if you must venture outside.